It’s hard to describe the mix of emotions I feel every day. Watching my mom—a woman I’ve always known as strong, loving, and full of life—become someone different because of dementia has been devastating. I want the best for her. I want her to stay in the home she loves. But I don’t want to be her caregiver and I need time off.
That’s a hard thing to admit, even to myself.
I know my mom isn’t the same person she was, and yet, every time she lashes out in anger or seems like a stranger to me, it feels personal. When friends stop by, she’s cheerful, even charming. But when it’s just us, it’s a different story. She’s frustrated, sometimes mean, and doesn’t trust me the way she used to. I know it’s the disease. I know. But that doesn’t make it easier.
The Grief of Dementia Caregiving
Caring for a parent with dementia isn’t just about managing tasks; it’s an emotional battlefield. Every day, I’m grieving the loss of the mom I used to know while trying to be there for the person she’s becoming. The weight of it is overwhelming.
I want to be her daughter—to laugh with her, to share memories, to love her—but caregiving changes that dynamic. Instead of feeling connected, I often feel resentment, guilt, and exhaustion. Some days, I come home and tell my husband, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
I feel guilty for even thinking that. Shouldn’t I want to do everything for her? Shouldn’t I have more patience? More grace? But the truth is, I’m just human.
Why a Care Team Makes All the Difference
For so long, I thought hiring help meant I was giving up on my mom. But I’ve realized that bringing in a care team doesn’t mean letting go—it means letting others come alongside me so I’m not carrying this burden alone. (It has also allowed me to take care of my health and my marriage).
A care team provides:
Expertise: Care Partners who come to our home well-rested, full of energy, and understanding to navigate the complexities of dementia care.
Relief for family caregivers: Time to step back, recharge, and be present as a daughter rather than a caregiver.
Support for emotional well-being: Knowing someone is there to help with the hard moments.
Most importantly, having a care team means my mom can stay in her home, surrounded by familiar memories, while I get the chance to preserve my relationship with her. I want to know how she’s doing without being the one who’s responsible for everything.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re feeling what I’ve described—grief, guilt, exhaustion—you’re not alone. These feelings don’t make you a bad daughter or an unloving family member. They make you human.
Hiring a care team doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re choosing to protect the relationship you have with your loved one. It means recognizing that you can’t do this alone—and you don’t have to.
My advice? Let others step in to help. You’ll find that with the right support, you can start to heal from the overwhelming weight of caregiving and reconnect with the person you love.
Because at the end of the day, you’re still a daughter. And that role is precious. Let others take on or share with you the caregiving so you can focus on what matters most.
Our Caregiving team provides personal one-on-one attention for your loved one. When you are ready to begin your care journey, we are the experts that will answer your questions and help you implement a plan.
Home Care Partners is locally owned and committed to providing Thoughtful, Quality, and Dedicated Care.
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